you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
