Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
