We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
