covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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