guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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