respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
