is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they're like a gay fantastic four
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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