hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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