My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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