I have demons in me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
