he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
