took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
