I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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