dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
