This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
