Kiss
Puke
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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