When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
