I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
