I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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