I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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