He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
