I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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