May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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