Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
