I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize