I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
