Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
