He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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