Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
