I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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