She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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