hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
