i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
