he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize