are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
