Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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