No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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