the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
zippers are such a cool invention
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
