You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
