I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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