I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
