Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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