How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
