Already got asked if we're dating
dude i'm inner monologue high
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
