I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
