Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize