Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
