One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
