So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
