You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize