Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
