why didn't you poke me back
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
