you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
