The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
