if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
