Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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