just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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