I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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