Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
