honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
