This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
