so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
