I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i don't like sucking hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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