Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
