grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize