I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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