Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
